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jokes of the day :: silly clean rude joke : shopping jokes

I shop therefore I am.

I buy therefore I am happy.

I pay therefore I am in debt.

Twelve Steps to Shopping Heaven

1) Ensure fridge and cupboards are well stocked to guarantee survival of husband and kids.

2) Alert bank manager and credit card companies. 

3) Have a final run through those offensive and defensive karate moves.

4) Immediately on arriving at shops make that all important ‘first purchase’ to get you into the swing of things.

5) Buy the outfit you have been watching for months but dared not buy because it was much, much too expensive – because now it’s 5% off.

6) Try on every shoe, dress, blouse, skirt and jacket in every store whether in your size or not.

7) Make a mad last minute dash around all shops buying up everything that you were previously undecided about.

8) While husband makes you a reviving cup of tea give kids their presents. You did remember to get them something?!

9) Present husband with all the receipts – resuscitate.

10) Separate those outfits which will go into your wardrobe from those that can go directly to the Oxfam shop.

11) Spend three hours in the bath planning your next shopping extravaganza.

12) Celebrate all your purchases!

Mess with Cameron Diaz

Drag your mouse across her face:

Goo: The main tool  Stretch and turn that face into rubber.

UnGoo: Turn parts of the image back to normal.

Soften: Can be used to smoothen rough parts.

Lighten/Darken: 'Draw' on the image. Use it to add dirt, moustaches, and more.

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